Christians are straight up FREAKS
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
