So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Congratulations! We have a period
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
