I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
