At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
