i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
