U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
