Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
