I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
