Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My vagina is officially offended.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wear drunk well.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
