Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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