I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
