he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
