I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
