He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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