Swine flu. Run for my life!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
