Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
