just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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