you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
