fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
