you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
