last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
