How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
