Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
