We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
