I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
