He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
