I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
