i'm signing you up for texting rehab
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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