He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
