did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
