he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize