I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
