Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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