u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
