ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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