No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
