my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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