Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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