Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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