so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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