I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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