I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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