Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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