I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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