new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
