he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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