i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
