onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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