It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
