I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
