everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
