i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
