I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
