I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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