it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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