You just made me feel so damn special
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
