a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
