No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
