Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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