Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i will never coherently bang her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
