I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
