Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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