I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
