Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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