Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
