It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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