4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he puts the penis in happiness.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
True strength comes from lack of pants
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
