No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
