I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
