no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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