Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
