Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
