all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize