he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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