Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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