its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
