My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
