So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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