i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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