Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
