People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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