I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
