I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
