I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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