Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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