when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
