It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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