Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
