That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
