Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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