Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
