that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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