My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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